If My Son Survives Having Me As A Mother, He Can Survive Anything

It’s the new year. Thank God December is over is all I have to say. It was hellishly busy for me, as for us all, and I feel like it passed in a blur.

My son has hung on to his baby teeth like grim death. There is no rhyme or reason to when he loses them and they take their sweet time coming in and when they do, they are chew corn through a fence huge. He went from having the most gorgeous smile to looking like he’s visited some hillbilly home dentist that’s removed his normal, human teeth and replaced them with something he pulled out of a dead Beaver. It’s terrible. I open his mouth, have a look and  see dollar signs gleaming in some Orthodontist’s eye. And I mutter, “Oh! So ugly. My god, look at this!” He just grins, sticks his tongue through the gap and goes off to gnaw down a tree or something.

The first week of December he lost one of his teeth at school. He excitedly came home with it in a baggie lovingly provide by his teacher. The Tooth Fairy came that night. And with no warning (looseness), two weeks later he lost another.

At that time, the Tooth Fairy was tired. She was too busy at work and home, trying to get the stupid Christmas thing together and survive. And she forgot to come.

The next morning, my son ran to his room after breakfast and pulled the tooth in its baggie out from under his pillow. He showed me with a frown. “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come.”

Shit. “Well, honey, she’s probably really busy helping Santa out with things. I think they know each other.” His frown deepened a bit. “Or, Mom, maybe the cat got her when she came! He’d do that, you know.”

The cat got a steely eyed glare and I made the mental note. Tooth Fairy: 10 p.m. tonight.

And wouldn’t you know, I forgot AGAIN! This time when he woke, there was yelling. I heard from the bedroom “What the… Mom, she didn’t COME! What is wrong with her?”

Shit,shit,shit,shit,shit. “Well, Honey, maybe the cat did get her, I don’t know! Maybe ALL the kids are losing teeth right now and she’s really backed up because she’s short-staffed!” He left for school with the angry “what is this shit” look all over his face.

The guilt? I know it well. I made the mental note again. FUCKING TOOTH FAIRY! 10 FUCKING P.M.!

At 10:05, I remembered. And half asleep, I remembered that I had no cash. I frantically searched pockets, the bottom of my purse, hubby’s jeans. Nope. Nada.

And with a EUREKA that was heard around the world, I ran out to my car and searched under the floor mats, and Voila! I found four bucks.

The next morning, he came out of his room smiling. “Look! The Tooth Fairy came! She left me these coins and look! This one’s really dirty! It smells like coffee!” Off he went to school, happy.

And the Tooth Fairy? She and the cat now have a secret. And she always keeps coins in her car, safely hidden under the mat.

I really should win some sort of parenting award, shouldn’t I?

Happy New Year, my Ducks. I hope it is your best year ever. xxoo

18 thoughts on “If My Son Survives Having Me As A Mother, He Can Survive Anything

  1. Wait. Your kid got $4? Man, I got gyped. LOL Every time I lost a tooth, I got a silver dollar. One at a time. Gyped man, I got gyped. lol

  2. Believe me, he’ll grow into the teeth, and he’ll love the tooth fairy story, when you repeat it to him as an adult. My big-toothed kids are now gorgeous adults with lovely smiles. I also missed tooth fairy visits for my daughter two nights in a row. I told her she must be on vacation… 🙂

  3. We forgot our son’s a couple of weeks ago. While my husband distracted him, I madly found quarters (He demands four shiny quarters) and stuffed them under the pillow. (Fortunately, he had left the tooth in place.)

    Then, I screamed, “I see her, I see her!! Hurry up Sam or you’ll miss her! Oh no! I scared her off! I hope I didn’t scare her too soon.”

  4. Oh, great post! I have a few baby teeth posts in my archives too; love the quick excuses of Santa and the cat! Luckily one of my son’s is too sentimental to give away his teeth so never puts them under his pillow. My other one is a real brat when he finds only a couple quarters; sorry call me old fashioned but that to me is more fun than finding bills. And he ain’t getting no ten or 20 dollar bills that some of his friends get can you believe that? So hard when your kids make you feel like you have to keep up with the tooth fairy Jones.

  5. My daughter also just recently went from having a winning smile to looking like a backwoods redneck who’s had too many run ins with a fist to the mouth. She lost one of her front teeth, and that was pretty bad but not catastrophic, but then the OTHER big tooth in front started to inch its way toward the very center of her mouth where the first tooth used to be. One morning last week when I woke up and saw it’s further progress, I was mortified. Also, I am such a horrible, horrible mother because all I could think was: oh my god, my child is so unfortunate looking. THE MOUTH as I’ve started to refer to it, has gone past quirky and has reached horrifying.

  6. When the tooth fairy forgot at our house, I palmed a golden dollar (my hubby was smart enough to buy a roll to keep in the house- enough for all his baby teeth) and said “Maybe the tooth fairy wanted you to have the tooth *and* the coin…Are you sure you didn’t just knock the coin down the side of the bed while you were sleeping?” A little Mama-slight of hand and there was the coin, having (apparently) slid to the side of my son’s pillow. “You just have to look more carefully next time.” ;-P

    Oh, and I’ll second the above post- they usually do grow into those big ol’ teeth!

  7. Once our middle son figured out just how lucrative losing his teeth was, we couldn’t get him to stop pulling them out of his head. It got impossible to have the tooth fairy keep up.

    Also, it got so bad that he couldn’t eat corn on the cob for about a year, because of all the gaps. Don’t worry, it all works out in time.

Go on. Talk to Mama Duck.

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