And So It Begins

This post might have a lot of typos and bad grammar but that’s only because I’m trying to write it while laying face down on my bed with a pillow over my head. The worst has happened. I may never be the same.

My seven-year old son has a girlfriend.

I knew it was inevitable but still. I asked him how his day was at school and he told me. Quite happily.

“It’s Lana, Mom. She told Cohen that she LOVED me!”

In my shocked mother-mind I thought,“Well, she’s a forward little thing”. But I just said “Okay.”

“Yeah. And she held my hand while we waited for the bus!” Mother-mind yelled “Whorebag!” My mouth said “What?”

“Well, she just kind of grabbed my hand, Mom. I only held it for a little while.” Mother-mind thought “What’s with this little hussy? After ONE day? Isn’t hand holding at 7 like third base?

I calmed down. Spoke rationally.

“Son, I’m not sure that’s allowed at school.” I did okay, right? “What do you think about this girl?” (That’s what you say, right? Supportive, interested, not wanting to slap some sort of chastity belt on your son? Right?)

“Well, last year, Cohen was her boyfriend and before that she liked Daniel. ” Mother-mind: “This broad sure gets around a lot, don’t she?”

“It might be okay if she and I went to the same College or University but we’ll have to see.” (Hear that? My boy is planning for his FUTURE! Take that, you grade two HARLOT!)

“Mom? I’m won’t hold her hand anymore. I promise. And you can’t tell anyone! If her brother finds out he’ll KILL me!” Mother-mind filed that piece of info away under Hmm . For later use.

“And Mom? We will never speak of this again. You must tell NO ONE.”

Apparently he doesn’t understand what a blog is. “Okay, my sweet, little, itty-bitty baby boy, my only child, my only one ever. Okay. Please don’t grow up too fast.”

He hugged me and said, “It’s okay, Mom. We’ll probably live with you when we get married anyway.”

 

20 thoughts on “And So It Begins

  1. Maybe your son could talk to my son? Give him some romantic advice? Apparently he had a girlfriend in grade 9. But he didn’t know she was his girlfriend until it was over. I just learned about it a month ago. That was four years ago…

  2. Awww young love and “aggressive” girls. lol Take it fo what it is and not more. They are still so innocent. It is cute. Be glad you are not seeing signs of puberty. It seems like everything starts earlier these days.

  3. Holy shit, I just about died reading Julie’s comment! LOL

    Oh I remember those days. I think technically my first boyfriend was in 2nd grade, although we never held hands. We just hung out. Like A LOT. lol I think you handled it well. I’m not sure how I will handle my future kids having significant others at such a young age though.

  4. “We’ll probably live with you when we get married anyway.” HA! talk about putting the final nail in.

    This is why I want a son first. Dads go through exactly the same roller coaster ride with daughters. At least if there’s an older brother in the picture, I’ll have backup when we have to ride for the sucka.

  5. i’ll be placing blame on all little boys. my girl will definitely not be the hussy whorebag! can’t be. it will be all the little pervs thinking with their genitals (see that’s gender neutral – you know because I’m evolved and all)… actually, i’ll likely be posting a very similar piece on my blog and texting you about the little fuckers…

    “mother-mind” is also a MAGNIFICENT term. I shall steal it.

  6. Eeee dont want to know! Tra la la *fingers in ears* Actually, my eldest started when he was two, a little girl at a party with lights in her shoes and dressed as a fairy – he was totally besotted! Oh my, you and I know that it is just cute and normal and all that but AAAH! THAT’S MY BABY! Ahem.

Go on. Talk to Mama Duck.

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