Family Vacation (Now With More Snakes)

I have so many posts I have to write but due to absolutely craptastic internet connection and rampant depression I’m behind. To catch you up on my summer, I’ll use three words:It sucked shit.

I took forever to heal from my appendix surgery, as my stupid body is getting old and cranky about such things as being cut open. I remember the days I could fall down a flight of stairs or get in a knife fight and be up and around in a week. (Only one of those is true, surprisingly.) So I mostly laid around and gained weight. I also had to put my old dog down and that was terrible. And I ended up with bronchitis. The end.

Kidding. But yes, I have been battling an epic case of depression. To the point I just felt like giving up, laying my head down and letting it all go on without me. But that’s not who I am. The anger sets in and I get furiously busy being furious at my mood. Then I start making lists. Lists of what I’m afraid of, what’s holding me back, why I never let this depressed me win out. What I would say to myself if I had the chance to step out of my head and give myself one hell of a good talking to. It goes something like this:

Smarten the fuck up! Life is for the living! You have a child! Get on with it! Look at this place! Clean it up! It could be so much worse! You could live near snakes!

Snakes? My primal fear. I will repeat my feeling on snakes for you. Ahem.

The only good snake is a snake that eats another snake, feels guilty about it and then commits Hara Kiri.~Leanne Moffat (Yes.You may quote me.)

I decided we needed to salvage some of the summer, get away from our grief, me to get over myself. Here in Alberta there is an interesting place called Drumheller. They’ve found many dinosaur skeletons there and have a wonderful museum. It’s also home to a place called Reptile World that has all manner of nightmare inducing reptiles. Destroying primal fear and dinosaurs? Can you say two birds with one stone? Off we went.

The World’s Biggest Tourist Trap, I mean Dinosaur.

We paid $29 to climb 100 steps in 30C heat. We took a picture to prove we’re idiots.

RAWR! (I just wanted to type that once in my life.)

I managed to hold him still for a moment.

A good perspective. Mildly interesting for the boy. For 6 seconds.

He’s good here and happy, because I had to tickle him to make him smile. Miserable little bastard.

Look at the sunshiney joy in his face! All because I said something like “Get the hell away from the canyon edge!”

“Hold it? Okay!” Notice my hovering, ready to grab it and kill it.

Now this, this is COOL!

At this point, I had a nice convo with the young, sweet snake man. He said “Would you like to hold her?” I asked him if red made her pissed off, like a bull. “Um, no, they can’t see colour.” You’re certain she won’t get all bitey with me? Because of the red? “Um, well, she’s 18 and she has bitten anyone yet.” I’m certain he’s lying but go ahead. Primal fear, be damned!

Oh Dear God! I’m about to hold a fucking snake!

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, DON’T PET THE SNAKE! YOU’LL MAKE IT BITEY!

I’m alright…I wish it would quit fucking moving.

Okay, it’s been 2 seconds. I think that might be enough now.

I did it! I held a SNAKE! Yay me! I actually even watched them eat. I learned. Fear now over.

That’s this one for now. Oh wait. One more.

Signs all over telling you not to crawl on or hump the fake mini dinosaurs. Hello? Dangling candy in front of an immature woman!

A good fun trip. It helped. Broke the funk.

I am getting happier, sillier day by day.  Fingers crossed.

Love you all.

16 thoughts on “Family Vacation (Now With More Snakes)

  1. So happy to hear you’re getting back on track. I suffer with depression too and it sucks. Anyway, I think we’re going to take our kids there next year but I probably won’t be humping any dinosaurs… probably.

  2. Hey! nice to see you back. 🙂
    Someplace we have photographic evidence of our idiocy as well. Is that Bethany the snake that you were holding in the picture? You did marvelous.

    Hope that you’re starting to feel better.

  3. OMG! You kick ass! You faced your fear and you held a snake. You are insanely bad ass. That would be like me petting a shark and that shit is NEVER gonna happen!

    Love the fact that you rode a dinosaur. I know depression. I know that it is hard and that sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed…I’ve been there…but I’m SO glad that you did, sweetie.

    You know my email…use it.

  4. That dinosaur place looked like a LOT of fun. All we have around here is a crayon factory, a park that has rocks that ring when you hit them with a hammer, and a man pushing a shopping cart full of cans.
    No shit sucking, though.

  5. Congratuations on tackling your fear! I don’t mind snakes much as long they’re “tame.” Best thing about them is it’s very unlikely they will pee and/or poop on you.

    Also, you are making me slightly ashamed of myself for not letting a tarantula walk on me last week.

  6. Ah Leanne! Does it make you feel any better to know my summer sucked shit? Of course, I still have my appendix, and didn’t lose a beloved old furry friend…but, well, whatever. Look at you all cute with the snake! Jesus, woman–that would be like if I agreed to hold a spider: ie; NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

  7. You held a snake! That’s badass!

    I like the one of you and him on your lap in the museum. Very adorable.

    I HAAAAAATE DEPRESSION’S UGLY PUKE FACE!

    I’m so sorry. That sucks and I hope it goes away soon. It’s a lying stinkmobile.

  8. Yay you! Glad the sillyness helped, life is just not supposed to be taken that seriously huh? You looked very cool, calm and collected with the snake. Oh, and I would SO hump a dinosaur that had a sign on saying “don’t hump me”

Go on. Talk to Mama Duck.

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