I’m Bored and Sad So Let’s Play (Maybe NSFW or Grandmas)

I was on twitter the other day. Found my friend, Detrimental Beauty. She is prolific, kind of cranky and I’m certain her beauty is not a detriment. But her mouth could be, which is why I love her madly.

This is verbatim.

Db: well aren’t you a friendly fuck

Me: Is that like a fuck that chit chats during the whole thing? Waving and high-fiving? S’plain…

DB: no way-I like where your head is at so I’m going to let you keep running with it…

Okay then…

Me: It can’t be worse than a crazy fuck. Busy talking to the voices in their head while doing the deed. So confusing.

DB: you amaze me.

(Thank you. I amaze myself sometimes. Like now, for instance, by writing this out on my blog for the world to see.)

Me: Or a self-centered fuck. Duct tapes a mirror to your head so they can see themselves!

BD: hahahahahaha… Going to be thinking about that later. (I’m thinking Mr. Beauty is in for a surprise.)

Me: Cheap fuck. Tries to get your wallet while banging.

DB: love you. wish we were neighbors.

Hear that? Even she wants in my bunker! (That is not a vaginal euphemism. It’s my zombie bunker. Which is not even real. Yet.) (On second thought, zombie bunker sounds like a good name for my hoo-hoo-dilly. In an “it’s come back from the dead!” sort of way.)(And it’s not dead. Just kind of sleepy.)

Me: I think I’m out now. Will let you know if I get anymore.

3 seconds later…

Me: Dumb fuck. Gets lost in the middle of the act. Leaves the room, forgets whats going on.

Me: Funny fuck. Tells jokes, makes balloon animals and weird accents.

Me: I am really out now. But I just described my hubby and my sex life in detail. Not saying who does which!

Db: *whispers* i think i know.

This shit just writes itself.

You folks got anymore? Now remember, I used the word but kept it clean(ish).

Comments open. Let fly, my Ducks.

(And go click on my blogroll to Beauty’s site. She’s crafty, gorgeous and fun.)

23 thoughts on “I’m Bored and Sad So Let’s Play (Maybe NSFW or Grandmas)

  1. I really do wish our bunkers (euphimism or not) were closer! You are such a lovely duck and I thank you for the shoutout – categorically the best fucks I had that day came from you!

  2. lmao you kill me. I’m sorry I missed participating in that convo….it was a good one.

    Um…scary fuck… likes to scream BOOO in the middle of it.

    Clumsy Fuck…kicks guy in groin and smack in face while switching positions.

    Angry Fuck….same as clumsy fuck but on purpose. 😉

    Sweet as fuck…croons and assures him he’s a “good boy” the whole time. (ick)

    Jealous Fuck…. “where are you looking!?” “What are you thinking!?” YOU BETTER BE THINKING OF ME!!! YOU BEST LOOK AT ME! DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES!!! LOOK AT ME!!! *usually leads to angry fuck*

    alright…now i’m out I think.

  3. Nasty fuck. Goes poopy right at the good part.

    Quiet fuck. Shushes you like a librarian.

    Impatient fuck. Jeopardy tune comes on.

    Celibate fuck. Just gropes you a little.

    Lazy as fuck, Lazy-fuck. A little like necrophilia.

    Critical fuck. Says “are you really gonna do it like that?” in the middle

    Mean fuck. Keeps laughing at you and telling you you’re just like your mother.

    Short fuck. It not only doesn’t last long, but your parts don’t match because they’re short as fuck.

    Creepy fuck. Licks your face.

  4. Ahem…
    Sick Fuck…always limp and looks like there about to die, coughing and sneezing most often accompanies them even during sex, (you may catch something)
    Stupid Fuck…Close relative to Dumb Fuck..
    Cluster Fuck…too many fuckers in one place…google “gang bang”
    Ass Fuck…always screwing you…shit, do I really need to explain that one?
    Mind Fuck…something so amazing or so stupid it feels like you’re brain got raped..
    Hungry as Fuck…Fuck, now I’m hungry…”gets out of bed and gets dressed”

Go on. Talk to Mama Duck.

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