Five days of yoga, some new herbal remedies and some supplements. I finally feel like myself again!!! Guess what? Today, I actually smiled. For real. It hurt like a bitch, but I couldn’t help myself.
I gathered some wisdom about myself while standing on my forearms and trying not to break wind. I’ll share what I can remember which may not be much, because both of those things required almost all of my concentration.
I forget sometimes who I am and what I like. We all do. We are so busy being so many things to so many different people and if you are like me, you do your damnedest to make each and every one happy. I’ve realized that for me it’s an absolute bullshit way to live. I’ll explain.
You may have gathered that at times my life has been a bit strange, if not difficult. I hold my tongue and let certain things slide because I’ve forced myself to learn to tolerate behaviors and speech that I find hurtful and damaging. No more. I will be as kind as I can, but I am not going to live my life harmed because I’m trying to be placid and a model of a ‘good woman’. While I can always see all sides, some things I just can’t abide. And if I continue to bite my tongue, I am going to chew a piece off and choke on that fucker. So, some boundaries are in order.
One of the other gems I took away from yoga, besides a nice under-boob rash from all the sweating (the fuck?), is that life is funny. It’s hard and mean, and my heart bleeds for my fellow man’s suffering. But there is so much funny, happy shit out there. I had the grand fortune to be surrounded by thirty sweet souls, who more likely than not feel as down as I do once in a while. And every last one of us laughed, at ourselves, each other, all in the midst of a very difficult practice. Where there is work that we choose, where there is unity, and joy, there is laughter. Just listen. See?
Whoof. I got all profound there. Scared myself. I wouldn’t want to set a precedent!
To all of you that have read and commented, I just want to tell you how grateful I am. You odd ducks in the ether have shown me that I do have a tribe. I feel less alone, knowing you are there.
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world. But then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me, too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true,I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.” Frida Kahlo
I could not say it better.